Thursday, 10 January 2013

Kingdom Death: Monster

Right, quite a few people are aware that Kingdom Death has just had its kickstarter and quite a few people I know have pledged for it. Which means this article is probably going to annoy some people I know.

Kingdom Death Monster is apparently a boardgame in which survivors fight monsters based on 'encounters'. If they manage to survive and kill the monster, they get loot which they use to create items. Their survivor continually changes  as he gets more loot and thus creates more items. That's the short description. The long description is 'this really should have been a computer game or an RPG instead' Survivors have different locations where they can be struck by a monster attack, which can have different parts of armor which would mean different amounts of damage suffered. Survivors have to keep track of what items they have and this should never be a one-off game; unless people get frustrated and quit. Imagine it as Descent but even more complicated. 

In reality, I imagine most people won't be buying it for the gameplay but the miniatures instead. The creator has made some sort of a name for himself by creating boutique miniatures that look very nice but are almost always sold out and impossibly hard to find, which is one way of spreading brand recognition I guess.

However, it's really the miniatures I'm not fond of. It has some stunning miniatures like the Lion Knight and the watcher. But it evens that out by producing too much of what it calls pin-ups; which really turn me off.

What? Me, not like pin-ups? I can hear the incredulous cries coming from people who know me. And the answer would be 'Yes, I don't like KD:Ms pin-ups', which should really tell you something about them.

So what's wrong with them? Other than being bikini-clad females in what is supposed to be a horribly crapsack world where monsters are constantly trying to kill/eat you? I mean, I can understand fanservice and I can understand wearing minimalist armor. However, there comes a point where it's just too much. Like this.

Seriously, there's a limit to my suspension of disbelief. I mean, I thought Damsels of Darkmyre was bad, but at least they had more clothes than this and their models had more attitude. At this stage, why not just make nude models? There's very little difference at this point. And let's not even go into the whole 'weary, beaten-down' look most of these pin-ups have. The example below illustrates it even better. 

 It's just depressing. These women have facial expressions like the victims in Hentai games and videos -_- Instead of creating what's cool about leather wearing, whip-wielding dominatrixes, Kingdom death created victims in minimalist clothing that look like they're about to be snuffed. But hey, people like that. Enough people that it managed to reach 2million in funding after all.